The sad thing about love is that it ends. Sometimes one before the other, then the other cries for days, weeks, sometimes months. Even if it is death that causes it, love ends. For no matter how much you love someone, the thing which i now call love is never there unless it is mutual and balanced, only the impression of love.

Why is it that the impression of love makes the heart burn, even when you know the burning will never go away? Even if love is found, the burning only grows stronger.

I want the love of the she that I wish i could whisper secrets to, like teens making plans for a future life. I want to make her know that no matter what happens now, the impression of love will remain, and always be there. If only i were MORE than I am. I would marry her, even with the end of our love inevitable. I would follow her around the world, making hapiness together.

How sad life seems once we realize that these are only dreams and fantasy. In a perfect world, I would not exist anyways.

I want to believe that love can go on forever. Now though, it seems that love will never begin.

I wish I was dead. But who cares.

This weekend was fun. I had never been to a Mexican rave before.

We smoked all day and napped into the afternoon. After some food and some more beer we headed out to the music. It wasn't very good though, so we continued on, the nearest Cantina. After that the night was warm with tequila, and I wandered around the dusty camp like I was blind. The noise didn't go away no matter how far I walked. I remember meeting Julio. He didn't speek my language, but we connected by means of a common interest. The music was so uncomfortable that I couldn't even dance. I rode the bike home quite drunk, almost flipped it once on a big burm. I love riding in the warm Mexico night air.

I was thinkin' of you today.
It made me want to write.
Heck, I'd sing if I had the voice for it.

I don't think you are thinkin' of me though.
Oh well. I'll sing anyways.
Maybe someone will notice.

We were in a building made of earth and straw, built by men with short legs. It was not a spacious building, only having three rooms. In one room (I saw this as I walked through the structure) was a table, long and rectangular, with many strange tools laid out next to it. There is dried blood on the metal top. In the next room I enter, the structure changes. It is a hospital room with the curtain pulled shut. The soft whimpering is enough to keep me from opening the thing. So I move on the the final room. Inside this room (made of dirt like the first room and hallway) was you, tending to a small child in a crib. You were wearing all white and had your curls tucked in a neat little hat. When I came in you smiled, but did not speak.
"We have to leave here," i said to you. It was not my voice that said it though, a strange deeper voice. You shook your head slowly, and we left the room. as we entered the hallway the sound of the whimpering voice returned. However, the whimper grew louder, and transformed into a shrieking of hideous pain. We ran, but the hallway would not end. For miles it went on, still with only three rooms. And then suddenly we were out, in the burning sun. No plants or water or bugs. Dry earth in all directions around the "hut-like" building. We ran away from the sun, but made little progress. The wind blew harsh and powerful and we struggled to continue. In the wind and dust strange things would fly by. A turtle, a bicycle, and and old woman. And then, in an instant you were blown away too, and I was alone. And I was awake.

I went with James, Ryan, and Maegan to downtown LA. The night was electrified with cheap wine and fun. We got there early, but things picked up. Mostly everyone was dressed to suit the occasion, and so many fun people showed up. I tried some indian food, and it was delicious. Some guy grabbed my ass and told me i was hot. kind of flattering. I ran into Mike and Ben and hung out with Mike most of the night. we ended up sitting in the construction outside for a while, trying to give Aless directions. I danced soo much my legs hurt today. Its easy to dance when you feel like no one else is there. But the best part of the night, the climax if you will, was the very end... I got to dance with and angel and i felt like i was about to start flying. what a good night it was. :)